


Not again

by Bubballoo



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alone, Angst, Depressing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Female pronouns for Pidge, Flashback, Him and blue kinda bonded, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Lance Mclain - Freeform, Lance is sad, Lancecentric, Maybe - Freeform, Oneshot, Pain, S1, Sad, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, all about that lance, altea, blue is a boy, crew - Freeform, dude why they all oblivious, he wants to leave, hurtlance, insensative, klance, lance is depressed, lonely, pidgeiscool, precious baby, s2, sensative, seventhwheel, trigger - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-19 16:21:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14241189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubballoo/pseuds/Bubballoo
Summary: “Not now, Lance,” they’d say.He shook his head and scoffed, backing away further from Keith to the edge.“How about now?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Lance oneshot  
> Part two maybe ?? Idk probably not  
> Had to get the feels out

_“Not now, Lance.”_

He shook his head and scoffed, backing away further from Keith to the edge.

“How about now?”

_It was the gasping and retching heaves that tore sobs from his throat. It was the silent night walks around the castle and visits to his lion at odd hours. It was the carding of hair that turned too tight leaving strands to fall to his cold bed.  
Because you can’t hide from your thoughts.  
You can’t run from the truth.  
You can’t be fixed by a title._

“Lance... No, what are you talking about?”

_“Can you stop goofing around for once? Be serious.”_

_“You could easily be replaced so don’t take your paladin place as a chance to act out.”_

He paused. Then laughed. “I want to stay.” 

_“Go away, Lance, not now, we’re busy.”_

_“You cost us that! Do you realise how bad you keep messing up?!”_

_“You almost got Pidge killed!”_

Keith’s face was frozen in unaccepted fear and desperate confusion. 

The boy only sniffed and moved away from the timidly outstretched hand.  
“Then whats stopping you, Lance?”

_“I didn’t mean to! I didn’t know Blue’s mechanics wouldn’t—“_

_“Enough!”_

_It was the timeless days when life truly felt looped in nothingness. The keeping in his own hurt and missing his family. Doing stupid antics because silly annoyance at such trivial things was better than his crew being caught in dark memories and sadness.  
But did he push too much? Was his help always holding them back?_

“I want you all to improve. To get Zarkon and have that team bond that makes you unstoppable.”

His explanation only angered his fellow member. Even on an edge, nothing changed. He still caused the wrong things he didn’t wish to.

“And leaving helps with that?! You only get one shot, Lance! We’re a team, you can’t change that! Stop kidding yourself and come back inside, Shiro will be worried.”

Keith still didn’t get it. 

But he will.

Once they see for themselves how much better they’ll be.

_“Hey, Blue... Voltron will always have paladins, right? Like how we had amazing ones before us?”_

_“Oh shut up, Hunk! I may not have been the smartest at the garrison-“_

_“Oh, yeah? And what can you do better than me, huh?”_

A shiny tear left a light trail down his cheek. “Well, I wouldn’t want to worry Shiro again.”

_This will be last time he causes unnecessary pain again._

Something akin to pure relief washed over the older’s face. He stepped closer and clasped Lance’s shoulder, beginning to lead them towards the castle.

_He wouldn’t fail this._

“Phew. You had me worried there for—“

_“Lance, be a good boy, won’t you?”_

_“If you keep this up you’ll be grounded!”_

_“Lance... why?_

_Maybe a few weeks ago Lance would have followed him in and even silently relished the rare moment he wasn’t being frowned at._

_Maybe if he was on good terms with his team like a true member he would have confided in Keith._

_Maybe if he were a good paladin he wouldn’t be making Blue lose another, told him to be good boy with a pat to the nose just an hour ago._

Jolted forward a step but held his ground. The hand fell off easily in surprise. “Lance?”

Turned around and smiled freely at the pretty swirling depth. What truly beautiful planets the universe had. 

“You’ll protect it well,” he whispered almost absently to himself. The legendary defenders.   
It was fun while it lasted. To experience being part of something even if it wasn’t the right cut.

“Sorry, Keith.”

_Maybe we could have been friends._

An almost silent swish of the night air.

And Keith in his daze didn’t register fast enough. Didn’t reach far enough.

_But he messes everything up anyway._

The stars were pretty as he gazed towards the sky while he dropped further into the swirling cold winds.  
Would he turn into a star?  
Like his mother read to him as a child?

Hmm.

_“Goodnight, my little lion...”_

And he would close his eyes to sleep.

_“Goodnight, mama.”_


	2. Chapter 2

A faint kiss on the forehead from his mother as he drifted into darkness should have been how it ended. Following the footsteps of a fond memory.

Not arms yanking his waist.

Not to jolt his eyes wide open so when the jarring sensation of a hundred bones breaking would reflect in the pain of the eyes above him.

Not the stinging salt like water burning his eyes as his body immediately shut down.

Not to bring down another distaster with him to share his pain.

Maybe he was an idiot, too, like himself.

Who would know? Would he ever know?

And his throat choked and gurgled and it was easy for his vision to darken once again so he could let it happen.  
Let them sink.

Let it play out.


	3. Chapter 3

__

_“Sorry, Keith.”_

__

That’s what had Lance said. That’s what the idiot of a guy had said right before letting himself fall over the edge.

Keith reached out on instinct but barely grazed his arm in the attempt to catch him. 

If he were honest, he didn’t have much idea as to what Lance was babbling about before hand.  
He just wasn’t quite grasping it and was too focused on trying to just get the boy back inside.

How was he supposed to know the idiot would just do that?

And so now he was freefalling. Free falling after him.

There had been somewhat of a fight earlier that day after discussing the battle and possible course of action. Keith would admit things got heated.

That had left a few of the crew at odds and a slightly awkward atmosphere to drive everyone to their rooms for some space and sleep.

_“Hey, Keith?”_

_Keith turned in surprise. He was sure everyone had left to let things smooth over. But his night walk seemed interrupted._

_“Pidge?”_

_She seemed younger, smaller even, standing in front of him in her green hoodie while she played with the edges. Why was she having trouble meeting his eyes?_

_“You’re not mad, are you?”_

_“Mad? About what?”_

_She pushed the bridge of her glasses up. “Everyone got pretty worked up earlier and it’s like some of us are avoiding others. I know there were some disagreements on what to do, and—“_

_His face softened. “Don’t worry. We had some differences and that’s fine, people have different opinions all the time. I’m not mad.”_

_She seemed relieved at that and Keith was surprised that it was worrying her so much, or coming to him at all._

_“What’s wrong?” He asked._

_She sighed. “I just don’t like it when everyone’s fighting. I think... it affects some more than others.”_

_Back then, Keith had thought she was talking about herself. But he would later realise she didn’t mean just her._

_He didn’t know what to say. “I’ll keep it in mind.”_

_“Thanks. I just wanted to check. I don’t think the team should leave things on bad terms too long. We do have to form Voltron after all, and—“_

_She cut herself off. Keith raised an eyebrow. “And...?”_

_Pidge looked down. “Nothing. But you and Lance stormed out, I hope things work out.”_

_That was vague. Everyone had said some words to each other then and butted heads. And some were said between the two, Lance and Keith being both angrier at each other. He said nothing._

_“Well. I’ll go finish adjusting my speeder. Thanks, Keith, night!”_

_And she walked back down the hall she came from. But instead of turning in for the night, Keith folded his arms and headed outside for some air._

“Ngh!” He stretched his arms out further as he focused on trying to catch that green jacket before hitting the water. “Come on, come on...”

Honestly, he was an idiot. He had no idea of what he would do once he caught Lance. He didn’t have his suit, he couldn’t jetpack up. He didn’t have his lion. And he didn’t have a rope or any form of support.

Yet he’d dumbly tumbled after him to stop him.

Yes! His slightly more weight had allowed Keith to catch up and he quickly wrapped his arms around Lance’s waist just before hitting the water.

He’d forgotten that.

And just as they both hit the surface, Lance’s eyes popped open and he didn’t read what was in them other than the shininess before pain imploded.

And it hurt.

Falling from such a height was sure to break him, and as they began to sink underwater and he could see nothing but water and feel nothing but pain, did Keith finally have an inkling of what had happened.

That it was meant to happen.

Because Lance wanted it to.

And his thoughts were grasping and piecing just as he could bear it no more and everything disappeared.

_Lance had jumped with the intention of not coming back._


End file.
